MK Dongs Fixture List

2004-05 Results

H/A	Competition	Opposition	Result	Attendance/Comments
A	Friendly	St Dunstans Home for the Blind	0-10	87,000 Approximately - turnstile operator may have been drunk as well as blind
A	Friendly	Royal Hospital for the Incurables	0-5	3
H	Friendly	Atkinson Morley Hospital (Patients XI)	0-2	2 As calculated by Chairman before he was arrested for substance abuse
H	Friendly	Milton Keynes Primary School 2nd XI	0-5	5814 Children get in free day
H	F A Cup 3rd Round	Manchester United	0-18	-5840 (minus) As calculated by chairman for tax avoidance purpose
A	Grudge Match	Inland Revenue	524,000-0
H	Charity	St John Ambulance Brigade	8000-0
H	The Stealers Franchise cup	Airdrie United	0-90	3 Dongs, Winkie & Kockpull. Dongs failed to become Franchise of the British Isles as they conceded a goal per minute against Airdrie United. Our chairman is appealing the decision with the Liberian FA as they are most likely to accept bribes...err...pretend you didn't read that.
A	Division 3	Bury	0-10	45000* Watch as the Mk Mongs are relegated to the Conference - This is just the beginning for this thriving venture. *Attendance estimated by Mr. S. Wonder
H	The Retail Property Con Cup 1st Rnd	ASDA Bakery Isle second XI	0-13	Attendance: 2 planning officers Bakers dozen win for the local visitors, keen to feel at home pending the new retail property development which has a good bakery section we are told.
H	Just Getting On With Being In Business	Luddite Rose-Tinted Dreamers XI	1-0	Attendance: Better than anything near Merton Name: Paul, who'll send £50 to Leukemia Research if this is posted with the rest. A resounding victory for common sense tactics over the increasingly popular 'Ostrich Position'. Taking their product to a possible market rather than flogging a glue-factory reject old nag in boroughs where no-one gives a rat's rump, continues to sustain what otherwise would have died without so much as a footnote in the Lambeth Advertiser.
A	Friendly	Sandbach West Highland Terriers Utd	0-23	Attendance: 3000 dogs and 5 owners A pre-match meal of Pedigree Chum inspired Sandbach's west highland terriers to a famous win Thanks to Steve of Crewe for this one.
H	Billy Nomates Cup	Daleks XI	0-11 Match Abandoned	Attendance: 200 at the start, none at the finish as they were all exterminated! A dramatic game with the referee abandoning the game due to an old police box appearing on the pitch to cries of Who are ya?.
H	Most Stupid Fans Cup	Chelsea	5-2 Match Abandoned	Attendance: 50,000 post Roman glory hunters. Game abandoned and result determined by the average IQ of fans.
N	Under 11 Supporters	Capstan	12-0	Attendance: Tipped at 20. Capstan were at full strength at Park Drive for the Cig Cup. The players were tipped for success but had 2 early wayward shots with the 1st hitting Bens son and hedges stopped the second. M Bassey nearly scored for Capstan but was too fagged to reach the cross despite traveling dun hill! Not really a match to light up the Cig Cup! Thanks BD.
A	Most Stupid Fans Cup (round 2)	Man Utd	0-1	57,000 Man Utd fans made the trip up from Cornwall to their own ground. MK Dongs defeated Chelski in the last round on average fans IQ. (That result was MK Dongs 1 Chelski 0 [stupid Chelski fans!]) MK Dongs fans would have turned up if they existed! From a Fulham Supporter - thanks.
A	We're all pissed but sod off franchise twat cup	Sheffield Wednesday	10-1	Attendance: 2000 Low attendance by owls standards but what do you expect when the dongs are in town. Proudlock, McClean and Shaw show the way as the dongs score through a defected shot which hit ten players and went in scored by the new Chinese international My Dingadongis small. Thanks to an Owls fan for this one!
H	Durex Condoms sponsored cum..ahem I mean cup	Laughing Stock FC	0-10	All of the 30,000 in attendance were card board cut outs because although MK Dongs haven't got any real life fans let alone any real fans, Winkie is still hoping that he can promote the frenzy and say what a frenzied place Milton Keynes is. Laughing Stock's goals came through a hat-trick by their leading scorer Holden McGroin, a belter from Phil McCracken, a brace each for both Justin Credible and he Dutch, German and Spanish playmaker Ben Der Boy. Defender's Mike Rotchurts with a neat finish from a corner and Ivor Smallcock with a towering header added to the scoreline to make for a flattering result (flattering? yeah right....) Thanks to Hinders Fan!
H	Friendly	Niño Artillero Elementary	0-8	The Mexican Kids beat MK Dongs in his first game ever played in England, with 100 moms and dads who made the trip, they kicked Dongs asses in just 5 minutes, the other 85 minutes, were Dongs Vs nobody because the kids made the trip to London and see the AFC Wimbledon´s win over Hampton; Attendance 100. Submitted by Alejandro Basurto of Querétaro FC, Mexico
H	Western Sea Border Division 5	Eastern Oil Rig United	3-0	Attendance: 25 humans, 300 sea animals. The game starts with the oil rigs fielding a mixture of people. Due to the lack of numbers they have to stick their one handed goalkeeper, WannaChop, up front and a hermit crab in goal. The first half begins brightly for the Dongs with the new Korean striker Watchmeshoe scoring straight from the car park after the ref had decided the ball hadn't crossed the line for a throwin. The second half again saw more dogged attacking from the dongs and 2 more goals from the invisible man and the supporter up in row z made it a comfortable victory 3-0 victory. The only bad thing in the match was the oil rigs having there defender, the shark sent off, for eating the linesman. Thanks to Stuart from Peterborough
H	Bristol City	Screwfix Western League Division 1	2-0	Attendance: 4. City went into the match with more defeats under Johnson than clubs Steve Claridge has played for. The Dongs who had entered this league because their manager said they were based near Cheltenham. The two goals were by the new Roman striker Giveus Yamoney. Thanks to Robert from Yeovil.