MK Dongs Supporters Club
Welcome to the most exclusive supporters club in English
Football.
(that's all - not much else to say really. Kind of sums it up)
Download the 2005 MK
Dongs Cheerleaders Calendar Here!
(640 Kb MS Excel Spreadsheet - quite safe, if a little distasteful)
lb for lb the best Cheerleaders in the game
Under the guidance of famed coach Betty Swollocks, seen here during
the infamous incident in which a group of louts super-glued her foot
to a bus stop, this bevy of beauties vie to become MK Dongs first
cheerleaders.
As soon as the running track is reinforced to withstand a 9.0 on the Richter
Scale, the Dongs will have their cheerleaders. 'Who needs concrete cows when
we can just paste some horns on these heifers' said an increasingly nervous
chairman.
Advanced instructions for Dongs supporters.
By Nanor Edraw
As the MK Dongs team
embark on another season, it has been suggested that we explain some of the
finer points of the game to help our supporters understand exactly what is
happening on and off the pitch, and make their frenzy even more enjoyable.
It is a game of two
halves. When you see all the players leaving the pitch after about 45
minutes, the game is not over! All the players go into the dressing room for
a quick break, to change their nappies, and get more tissues to dry their
tears. This break lasts 15 minutes and is called ‘half-time’. So please,
stay in the stadium, and wait for the break to end. You will see more
football, and no, you do not have to buy another ticket.
The game starts at
the same time every week. We are sorry, but we cannot wait for those of you
who ring in asking us not to start yet because you are late.
No, there are no
tickets available for the Manchester United game. We will not be playing
them this season.
No, the club shop
does not sell Manchester United shirts.
There is no point
singing ‘United, United, United’ like they do on television. United are not
playing. We would ask that you try to sing something about the MK Dongs. For
example, you may want to sing ‘Dong, Dong, Dong’ making a noise like your
local church bells.
No, we cannot put
the United game on the big screen.
No, you are not
allowed to run onto the pitch ‘to give the guys a hand’. We are only allowed
to field eleven players. It’s one of the rules of the game. We understand
you think it is unfair that the other team is much better than ours, and
that a few more players would help, but it’s not allowed.
When one of our
players misses a free-kick or a penalty, there is no point asking the
referee to ‘give him another go because he is only learning’.
We are pleased that
many of you recognise that the aim of the game is to score goals. However,
the idea is that it is only good when *we* score goals. You should not cheer
when the opposition score a goal. That is bad. Likewise, it is only good
when one of our players scores a goal in the opposition net. If one of our
players puts the ball in our net, it is bad. We know this is a difficult
concept to understand, but we are allowed to score goals, and hope to score
our first one soon.
The big group of
people wearing the same colour shirts of the opposition are the opposition
supporters. They have come to watch their team, and want them to win. We
have to let them in. We know that it’s not nice that people cheer on the
other team, and that it’s not nice that they always laugh at us, but there
is nothing we can do about it.
The man wearing
black is called the referee. He is like a policeman, and punishes the
players when they have been naughty. He does this by blowing his whistle
(see? just like a policeman) and then gives the ball to the other team. He
does know what he is doing, and try as we might, he will not accept payment
from our friend Braun Henvelope to ‘give us a chance’.
When the men in
yellow jackets carry off one of our players on a stretcher, it is not
because he is tired and needs a ‘lie down’. It means he is injured, probably
quite seriously. That is bad.
We would also like
to thank those supporters who have suggested ways for us to perform better
on the pitch. We have addressed some of them below.
-
No, you are not allowed to pick up
the ball and run with it like Johnny Wilkinson does.
-
No, you are not allowed to get one
of our players to wear an opposition shirt and ‘go undercover’ only to
trick them later.
-
We do believe the idea of our
players standing in different areas of the pitch, and trying to pass the
ball to each is the best way of playing this game. We know we are not
very good at passing the ball, but we do believe it is better than all
eleven players running with the ball together ‘like you do in the
playground at school’.
-
Try as we might, the FA will not
let us reduce the size of the pitch. We know that if the pitch was
smaller, our players would not have to run as much, and would not be so
tired, but they won’t let us.
-
The goals have to be the same
size. Those of you who broke into the ground last week and made ‘our’
goal smaller and ‘their’ goal bigger missed out one vital point. We
change ends at half time. This explains why we let in 5 goals in the
first half, and 32 in the second.
We hope you have found these tips useful. If you have any other questions,
you are very welcome to ask. We know many of you (especially the ladies!)
are confused by the rule called ‘offside’. Once we find somebody in the club
who can explain it, we will let you know.
